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(no subject) [Dec. 14th, 2005|09:59 pm]
So it's always a constant thought in my head why i always still care about people who probaly don't deserve it or have somehow hurt me in a way. And for some reason i always end up with that's it my fault and i'm just stupid for still caring and having feelings. But then i got to thinking i will never apologize or explain to anyone why i still care about people. I will never say sorry for caring about people that at one time meant a lot to me at some point in my life. This goes for any kind of relationship i had with a person. Why should i blame myself for having a heart and feelings. Even if people haven't treated me the way they should i still go on caring about them. This might not make sense to others and might make me look like i'm weak still caring. But in a way i think instead of showing weakness it's more stronger. Because i can look at a relationship i had and understand that sometimes things just don't work out. And not look back on it with a negative point of view and just learn from it and have fond memories of a certain time in my life. Also that i had a opportunity to share times with these people and maybe even walk away learning something.

So he's been on my mind a lot today. I miss sitting on his couch watching sex in the city with him, and feeling that comfort laying next to him. Or how he could make the most drunkin conversation into a really heartwarming one:). I gave him his space then he decided to text me. I'm not sure if it was just for that reason it was a simple text or if it was a way to get back in my life. Either way it doesn't really matter. He's with her now and i hope she's everything he needs. Cause for once i was the one who got scared and didn't think i could be that girl for him. Who knows what really could have been but i'm a strong believer when it's said if things are meant to be it will be. For now i'll just be thankful i got the chance to have him in my life for a short time. I honestly don't think badly about him after everything i just know we were at two different stages in our life.

Sorry for this random and pointles entry but it was something i had to get out all day.
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(no subject) [Sep. 2nd, 2005|07:44 pm]
[mood |sleepysleepy]
[music |Watching the angel game]

I'm so bad at updating this thing..

Let's see i found a new job..and it actually was pretty easy. I faxed a few resumes, got a call the next day, had an interview last friday and had the job on tuesday. I'm really excited the new preschool i'm working at is like not even five mintues away from my apt. Which will be so nice not having to make the drive to hb everyday. I was actually really scared to put in my two weeks at work not knowing how they would take it but surprisely it was not bad at all. I am sad in a way i'll miss some of the girls and most of all my kids. But i know i'll be happier at the new job.

So leave it to me to have the worst luck once again with guys...i finally meet a guy whose so adorable and has such a good personality..and he lives in NEW YORK! I think i'm starting to have a trend to have crushes on boys that live in other states ha.

I can't explain how happy i am to have a three day weekend..even if i'm like the only person i know that didn't go away for the weekend. I'm perfectly content with just hanging out and relaxing possibly do some shopping which is always a plus:).

I'm so excited for next weekend...PARTYTIME!

I've actually learned a lot about myself just living on my own for the past month. For once i actually feel so grown up which i guess can be a good and bad thing.

On the way home today i was listening to the radio and they were talking about hurricane katrina. I can't even seem to imagine what it would be like to have your life just taken from you so quick. They said one out of six people don't even have shoes right now.It just makes me think how much we take for granted each day.

Well i'm off..hope everyone has a wonderful three day weekend<3.
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(no subject) [Aug. 6th, 2005|08:03 pm]
[mood |uncomfortableuncomfortable]
[music |Keith Urban- You'll Think of Me]

So today i'm in a wierd funk..like an uneasy feeling about people.

People just often let me down and by letting down i mean they just prove my theories about people right. I know i can't do anything about people's choices or control their actions. But it's just frusterating when people are exactly what you thought they were gonna be. By that i mean i often don't really care for many girls i know it sounds so judgemental and i know it sounds caddy. But seeing some of the way girls act around each other causing unnessary drama. I know i'm not one to say anything yes, every girl can admit she's caused drama but at the same time some people just never seem to stop. And as for guys sometimes i really don't think i'll ever find one that's "different". One that actually proves to me that there's a nice guy out that with good intentions. I want to meet a guy that i can just talk to for hours, do nothing with and still have the greatest time, and just be myself around and not have to pretend with. But for some reason i can't find anything but guys who play constant games, decide to call me when it's a good time for them,and basically treat me like crap. Wow i sound really bitter about people right now ha. Don't get me wrong i have some of the most amazing people in my life and i think the world of them. I just wish i could meet more people that i think more highly about.

So i'm just about done moving into my new apartment. It's fun but at the same time doesn't really feel like home yet. It's wierd not seeing my mom everyday. I mean i know it's gonna take time so we'll see how it goes. Trying not to spend money is extremely hard..going to a mall and coming out with nothing is almost inpossible ha. But i'm sure i'll get used to that sometime soon lol.

I'm starting to look for a new job..i adore my kids and can't imagine not seeing them everyday. But at the same time i just don't agree with the way my boss does anything anymore and it's getting extremely hard to like work anymore. Plus i'd like to look for a preschool closer to home to make it easier.

School starts in a few weeks...just after taking a semester off it's gonna be hard to get back into the swing of school. But it might do good for me to help me keep busy and so i can get closer to finally finishing school someday lol.

So a lot of things have changed and i think the coming months are gonna bring a lot more changes. But i think all the changes are helping me to realize what i'm wanting to do in life and who i'm really becoming. Growing up is fun at times but sometimes the responsiblities get overwelming.

Ok sorry about the venting but i just needed to get it out<3.
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It's been quite sometime.. [Jul. 30th, 2005|02:31 pm]
[mood |excitedexcited]
[music |Leann Womack- I'll think of a reason later]

So i haven't updated this thing in forever. August is for sure bringing a lot of major changes in my life.

As of August 1st, i will be living in my own apartment! Moving out totally came fast i wasn't planning on doing it anytime soon but the opportunity came up and i decided to take it. I can't describe how excited i am too move out but at the same time it's so scary to me. It makes me feel like i'm really growing up and i'm an adult with responsibilities now ha. At first i was extremely stressed about the money but i know now i'll just have to be on a budget. Which is a huge step for me considering i never worried about money before and made big shopping trips weekly ha. I'm giving up things to move but at the same time gaining so much the biggest freedom!! If anything i think it will be a huge learning experience for me. And not to mention sooooo much fun! I'm for sure looking forward to nights of drinking and slumber parties ha.

I'm also going back to school full-time in August. But am still going to work full time so i'll be extremely busy.

Work has been so busy too, we're so understaffed, were getting new curriculum for the new school year which is gonna be way more work.blah.

Well it's back to packing..hope all is well with everyone<3.
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(no subject) [Apr. 3rd, 2005|11:09 pm]
[mood |optimisticoptimistic]
[music |Amy Dalley- I Would Cry]

So let's see some highlights of the last couple weeks that make me happy:

Unwritten Law show was soooo much fun i seriously had a blast minus the few bruises i got haha. I officially want to be Mrs. Scott Russo<3. Veronica knows what i'm talking about. It's just another reason why i love her haha! The show made me realize how much i miss goin to shows. I swear i used to go to like two a week and now its like maybe one every six months.sad:(. Someone needs to be my show buddy and start goin with me<3.

Happy Hour at Fred's after work with the girls from work makes me happy<3 Being drunk at five o'clock off giant margaritas are the best haha!

Goin to the catch on friday and realizing how excited i am for baseball season<3. Goin to the game on tuesday and wednesday should be fun<3. Im hoping this season is just as fun as last season. Drunk nights at the catch, random hotel nights, jenn climbing outside of my window of my truck, supersperm ha don't ask, me and jenn screaming at games, oh geez crazyness is about to begin haha.

I can't even explain how excited i am for vegas. It being my first time in vegas being 21 and spending it with some of my favorite people. It's gonna be nuts. And having a vacation from work will be nice and is much needed.

I'm totally obessed with the Keith Urban song You'll Think of Me..soo good!

So bad im starting to get my bad habit of shopping on my lunch break i think i have too big of a addiction to shopping haha but who doesn't<3

I saw this and thought it was the cutest thing ever so i thought i'd share:

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds: "What does love mean?"
Here was some of my favorite answers: When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different."Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.""Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.""Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Well it's time for bed<3 Hope everyone is doing well<3

p.s. Sarah i miss you..we really need to get together soon. And you better be ready for some drunkin phone calls this week haha<3
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(no subject) [Mar. 8th, 2005|01:35 pm]
[mood |blankblank]
[music |Story of the Year - Until the Day i Die video is on]

I'm really bad at updating this thing..but here's a fair warning of a venting, rambling post i'm about to type..

What do you do when you thought you had everything figured out and you knew exactly what you wanted. Yet come to realize maybe it's not what you wanted at all. Or maybe it's true maybe you do want it but it's frusterating that your not getting it fast enough.

For once i thought i really figured out things..but now i'm left confuzed about life once again.

I have been in this extremely discontent mood lately. I just feel like i don't have a lot of stableness in my life. And maybe at 21 your not supppose to.

The only aspect of my life that i feel is stable is my job. I mean at 21 i've found a job i love doing and could see doing for a long time. I guess that's an important one cause how many people can say they have that now.

And i'm extremely grateful for those few people i can go to about anything and feel like their my backbone. But that number of people seems to keep going down but i guess that also comes with age.

I hate the fact i look at people that used to be close to me and people i would have done anything for and sometimes did. Yet can barely speak to me as if they knew me. What makes any kind of relationship end...people grow apart i guess?

It's amazing to me how one song or place can totally take you back to a certain moment in life like it was yesterday and totally put you in that place at that exact moment. And you can almost feel exactly how you did at that one moment.

I hate the fact that i doubt people's intentions sometimes but i guess it's my way of trying to reduce the chances of getting hurt.

I hate the fact some people will always have a place in my heart no matter how crappy they treated me.

I don't get when i was so happy and having fun. Yet to others i was doing things that didn't fit their standards and they thought i was doing things that were wrong. I don't get it..do i do what makes me happy and not worry about what others think.

But there are a few things makes me happy:

*unwritten law show in a few weeks haha yes laugh but i love them.
*baseball season starts soon and i got tickets to some games i'm really looking forward to. I'm looking forward to many nights of games, drinking, and crazyness like last season!
*giant margarita's at Fred's ha
* shopping and lunch at the beach..i really wish i could spend everyday there<3
* how nice the weather is getting<3
* listening to old songs that remind me of some greatest times ever.

Sorry for the long entry but it did some good to vent about it<3
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(no subject) [Jan. 30th, 2005|06:52 pm]
[mood |weirdweird]
[music |Unwritten Law - Save Me]

So it's been a long while since i've posted anything. The new year has for sure brought some new changes in life.

Work is wonderful i just got offered my own class/classroom of three year olds. I seriously love them there adorable and seriously we have so much fun. I went shopping yesterday for new things for my new classroom since i'm changing everything around. It's gonna be a lot of work but i'm so excited. Everyone i work with is great and so helpful. My director/boss went on about how she thinks i will do a great job in there and etc. It feels nice to know you have people who think you do awesome at your job it's a wonderful compliment to hear. It's just great to have that feeling that you have accomplished things you have always wanted to do. So wish me luck<3.

School started im only taking one class since i'm working full time i didn't want to burn myself out anymore. So far i love it though it's a great class so far. The first class meeting we did this interview thing with a partner you usually do some kind of welcome activity in child development classes. But the questions were different then usual my favorite was how do you want to be remebered. Sounds easy at first but it takes some thought..i mean it's a big one. I basically came up with i want to be remebered as a caring and loving person who accomplished everything or atleast almost everything i wanted to with very few regrets if any. It was good though to think about it makes you really change your perspective on life and how your living it.

Between all that i don't get to go out as much usually just on the weekends if that. So i don't get to see as many friends as often as i would like. But while i'm on that subject i've done a lot of thinking on that. When your younger you always think it's so important to have so many friends yet when you get older you realize that the number of friends isn't important it's the true ones that count. You miss someone you call them to hang out is it that hard to understand?! But i do cherish the few people i can say are true friends<3

So i finally read the book He's Just Not Into You. Wow i honestly think every girl in the world needs to read it. At first when i started reading it i got kind of sad cause it's kinda harsh and blunt so you don't want to except it. But once you realize all of it is so true it truly makes everything make sense. All this time girls think guys are complicated when in reality there not there pretty damn simple. They like you they call right. They don't call then they don't care. Kind of lame it takes reading a book to realize it but boy did it help. Totally made me realize talking to certain people in my life are a waste of time. Makes you realize you deserve better i know i deserve a guy that's gonna like me all the time not just when he wants to.

Met a boy the other night usual story hung out he got my number. Hasn't called me and to be honest i know he won't. But after that book i know if he wanted to he would. As lame as it sounds i just wish i could meet a guy that wasn't such a bonehead ha. But for the search for prince charming continues..

I've seen or talked to a lot of old friends and people i knew in high school. Most people are either married or have kids. I'm so late in this department i guess compared to the rest..i mean having a bf might help to start it ha.

Maybe it's the timing with everything that makes me feel so lonely and like something is missing. I just want a guy that i can have fun with, and be myself around, and just have fun being dorks together lol.

I wish i was seeing unwritten law on tuesday in sd darn work and school.

Coldstones and sex in the city is perfect therapy for when your down ha.

Yay for tomorrow being payday that means...shopping at lunch score ha.

I hate being sick..my throat hurts so bad!

I wanna go on a vacation soon..anyone want to come? I'm pretty much down to go anywhere it would be nice just to get away for a bit.

I've been pulling such an o.c. haha been going down to the beach to sit and think during lunch ha...but i love it so much. Started saving to move out hopefully in about a year i'll live there(keeping fingers crossed).

Wow if you got through this entry you must of been pretty bored to read through all my crap lol. Well i'm off to finish stuff up for my classroom. Hope everyone is doin great.<3
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(no subject) [Dec. 25th, 2004|10:37 pm]
[mood |gratefulgrateful]

Well let's see i haven't updated this in a while..the month of december has been a long and emotional month. Almost losing someone you love is probaly one of the hardest things ever. Seeing my family so scared and upset just about broke my heart. My grandpa as been in and out of the hospital most of the month. He's like the only guy i had growing up i trusted and looked up to. So him being sick has really affected me. But thank gosh things are looking up and he should be home by tuesday.

Almost losing someone really makes you realize a lot about life especially around the holidays.

I guess when you spend part of Christmas at the hospital it makes you realize what the holiday is really about. I mean don't get me wrong the presents are great lol and i know you all agree. But really it doesn't matter where you spend the holidays it's about who your with and being with the people you love. Seeing my grandpa so happy we were all there he said he had a great christmas keep in mind this is a guy whose been in the hospital for the last two weeks and on xmas. Yet he still has such a positive attitude..i guess that's one of the reasons i look up to him so much.

Aside from all that i've just come to realize life is way to short to take for granted. And that things may not always go your way but if we didn't make mistakes we wouldn't learn from them and how to make things right. I know i sound like a freaking hallmark card or something but it's really true.

So a side from all that crazyness from this month going on. On friday my boss talked to me and offered me a full-time position at my work. Which is awesome and im gonna take it..which means a lot of positive things..more money obviously like doubling my paychecks i make now, getting really good experience, and i'm really loving my job so it's cool. Plus working with kids always has the great schedule of having nights and weekends off. It's just gonna take time to get used to working full time since i never have before but im thinking it won't be so bad.

Just a quick thank you for the people who have been there for me over the last couple weeks..it really means a lot. Especially Lou thanks for going out with the other night i really needed to get out.

Well i hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and all is well. And hope to be seeing some of you guys soon!<3
I'll leave you with some pictures of some of the greatest people i know<3

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(no subject) [Nov. 22nd, 2004|05:39 pm]
[mood |lovedloved]
[music |The Killers- Somebody Told Me]

First off i want thank everyone that made the last two days great. I had such a fun birthday from what i remeber atleast ha. But i'm so glad i got to see so many people in the last two days and they got to help celebrate with me. I felt so loved having so many people come hang out with me ha. I seriously have the greatest family and friends ever<3.

I had the day off today thank gosh cause going into work would have been no good. Went and visited my kids at my old job..it was wierd i missed them.

So finally i did something...it was about time. I feel better about it even if i don't get a answer back atleast i know i was honest.

Well i'm off to go to dinner and shopping with lou lou.

p.s. i'll post pictures later from the last couple days ha.
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(no subject) [Nov. 14th, 2004|09:47 pm]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |Destiny's Child- lose my breath is stuck in my head ha]

So for sure my mood has gotten so much better and i'm so glad!

So this weekend was nice and relaxing.

Friday night after work went out with some of the girls from work. It was fun there so nice and fun. I'm still loving my job and getting used to it. It's nice im getting to know everyone more and the kids more.

Sat. night lou, ness, krista, and allison came over. We planned on going out but nothing was really goin on. So we stayed home watched music videos, danced, drank a bit, and laughed a lot ha. You know Ness we need to learn the lose my breath dance so when we battle in the streets were ready haha. Lou...my happy ending..damn that song! I love nights with the girls doing nothing but we somehow seem to have so much fun<3 p.s. We missed you Sarah!!

Today went to lunch and got pedicures with Joanna for her birthday.

Got my digital camera fixed finally!! yay<3

Birthday countdown: One week!!! I'm so excited!

sidenote: I don't get you..i don't know why i'm surprised i've never gotten you before..so it shouldn't be anything new </3..just a constant disappointment.
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